Hypaethral

I'm glad my blog doesn't have a theme. I don't feel restricted. I'm also glad that I don't blog for others, but rather for myself. That way when I just need to move my fingers over the keys I don't need to feel bad that what I'm writing may bore everyone else to death. They don't have to read it. This blog is mine. No one can take it from me. Sometimes I think it would be fun to have a blog with an interesting topic that tons of people from all over the world follow. But then I also think it would be stressful trying to please everyone. I like my blog. It's a bit ADD and full of typos, but it's me. Random and not perfect.

I wonder what he's doing right now. He's probably at work. He's such a hard worker. That's something I really admire about him. He really is amazing you know. I wish he knew that. I tell him as often as I can, but I'm not sure it sinks in. Whenever I tell him he gets this little smile on his face then averts his eyes in a bashful sort of way. It's endearing. Heck, nearly everything about him is endearing. My favorite is his smile. When he smiles his cheeks dimple and frame his mouth and his eyes light giving the brown a bit of sparkle. Ah and then his laugh. His laugh is one of the most wonderful joyous sounds I have ever heard. It's like his smile just bursts. I wonder who he's with right now. They get to see his smile and hear his laugh. They don't know what they've got. I wonder what he talks about with them. With me it's anything and everything, but what about with them? There's so much I don't know about him, y...

I'm not surprised. Not everything lasts. I've broken my heart so many times I stopped keeping track. Talk myself in. I talk myself out. I get all worked up, then I let myself down. I tried so very hard not to lose it. I came up with a million excuses. I thought I thought of every possibility. And I know someday that it'll all turn out. You'll make me work so we can work to work it out. And promise you, kid, that I'll give so much more than I get. I just haven't met you yet. Mmmm... I might have to wait. I'll never give up. I guess it's half timing, And the other half's luck. Wherever you are. Whenever it's right. You'll come out of nowhere and into my life. And I know that we can be so amazing. And baby your is gonna change me. And now I can see every possibility. Mmmm... But somehow I know that it'll all turn out. And you'll make me work so we can work to work it out. And I promise you, kid, that I'll give so much more than I get...

Well this post has been sitting in no man's land as a draft since May. The main points of this post have been ever changing in my mind as I have gone from deliriously in love to heart broken to acceptance and now to an independence and a new hope. Now I feel like this post in my mind is ready to be published. While it may not be long and it may not mean anything to you, this post is special to me. This morning I asked a friend what a wife was. What did he really think she was meant for. He replied that he didn't really know and that he had never really thought about it. I then asked him to think about it and I gave him a good amount of time until I asked him again. The answer he gave me was so pure and so profound and so perfect that it made me cry. I didn't cry because I was sad. I was crying because the relationship he described was so beautiful. I refrain from posting a description because what he shared was of a personal nature to him, but I know that that is...

That is what I am feeling right now. Just blah... I don't really know what blah is though. I know it's not happy. It's not angry. It's not excited. Well, it's nothing positive so we can just throw all of those emotions out. It's not boredom. At least I don't think it is. It shouldn't be sadness because I have nothing to be sad about. My life is full of so many wonderful things. But I feel kind of sad which is confusing me which in turn is frustrating me. So I guess blah is sadness, confusion, frustration, with a bit of I-don't-even-care-anymore-ness. I guess that would be despair. So with a bit of despair. That makes me sound horribly depressing. I don't really think I'm depressing. I've had many people tell me that I'm one of the more fun people they know and that they love spending time with me and that I make them so very happy. But then again I've had people tell me that I make them sad. They tell me that t...

Well, with an hour and fifteen minutes to spare, I finally defeated that evil evil paper. The sad thing is that had I not procrastinated, I probably would have really enjoyed writing it. The subject was interesting to me and the research material consisted of some of my favorite writings, but I was just too rushed. I don't even think it came out that well. I feel like it was very repetitive and underdeveloped. I don't really understand why I procrastinate. There is no benefit in it at all. Sure I get to do what I want in that moment, but I'll have to do it eventually. Why drag it out and put it off? I don't really know why and I don't really think it's going to change... Lame... Well now I'm going to relax/maybe sleep so good night world. Say your prayers, trust in God, and have sweet dreams!

Procrastination: the new sensation sweeping the nation. More popular than constipation, it's the new fixation of the population. Every corporation is making it the new concentration. Born with the new generation, it doesn't take much adaptation. Procrastination has no discrimination, cause to give procrastination congratulation. In every organization it's making it's manifestation. It takes no imagination or manipulation to start the implantation. Procrastination isn't an abomination, it deserves glorification! School work is the first to die in the annihilation. Some have such determination it could be an occupation with no need for transportation. Application requires no inspiration and no motivation and one-hundred percent no preparation. There's no obligation, just pure relaxation. No trepidation, no anticipation. It requires no certification. Procrastination may hold no elation, but procrastination also comes without fits of frustration. Proc...

Where are the people that accused me? The ones who beat me down and bruised me? They hide just out of sight, can't face me in the light. They'll return but I'll be stronger. God I want to dream again, take me where I've never been. I wanna go there, this time I'm not scared. Now I am unbreakable, it's unmistakable. No one can touch me, nothing can stop me. Sometimes it's hard to just keep going. But faith is moving without knowing. Can I trust what I cant see to reach my destiny? I want to take control but I know better. God I want to dream again, take me where I've never been. I wanna go there, this time I'm not scared. Now I am unbreakable, it's unmistakable. No one can touch me, nothing can stop me. Forget the fear; it's just a crutch That tries to hold you back And turn your dreams to dust. All you need to do is just trust. God I want to dream again, take me where I've never been. I wanna go there, this time I'm not scared. Now I ...

Well the other day I was randomly reading through old posts and I clicked on the "About me" post and found it was fun and interesting. So now I'm going to do the same thing just with new material. Woo! I really like ears. No matter the species I love to touch ears. People ears, cats, dogs, birds, horses, chinchillas, goats, rabbits, and the list goes on. I also like to scratch people's heads. I don't know why I just enjoy it. Unless their hair is really nasty dirty or something like that. It is very hard for me to get rid of a habit then to stay away from it after. But I suppose it's hard for a lot of people otherwise we wouldn't have the saying, "Old habits die hard." I used to say that I was okay with things like beetles and centipedes and all that stuff, but I think I was probably lying. I really don't like the creepy crawly things. Unlike above, I wasn't lying when I said I wasn't afraid of snakes, lizards, frogs, mice, r...

"It was about five til' five on Friday We were all getting ready to go And the boss man started screaming And his veins began to show He said You and you come with me 'Cause you're gonna have to stay My heart was thumping I was jumping I had to get away Some days you gotta dance Live it up when you get the chacne When the world doesn't make no sense And you're feeling just a little too tense Gotta loosen up those chains and dance Well I was talking with my baby Over a small glass of tea When she asked a loaded question She said How do you feel about me? My mind was racin' I was pacin' But the words just would'nt come And there was only one thing left to do I feel it coming on Some days you gotta dance Live it up when you get the chacne When the world doesn't make no sense And you're feeling just a little too tense Gotta loosen up those chains and dance Some days you gotta dance You gotta loosen up those chains and dance You gotta loosen up t...

I know I may not seem like it, but I think I may be a bit of a pushover. Maybe a little bit of a people pleaser too. I need to learn how to stand up for myself. If I continue to let people walk all over me and take advantage of me then they will always treat me that way. Tyra Banks said, "You teach others how to treat you." I think that is so true. If you don't stand up for yourself you teach people that they can take advantage of you and use you and that it's okay. You condition them to act that way. When you don't act you tell them that it's alright for them to continue acting the way they do and they will continue to act that way. Not only is it important to stand up for yourself, but you need to do it the first time or it will be harder. Human beings are creatures of habit. Once they develop a behavior it's hard to leave it. People resist change, whether good or bad, because it takes effort to adjust. You deserve respect so expect and hold...

Well... I'm waiting for a video to load. So this is my waiting post. I hate waiting for things. I'm very impatient. Here's a list of things I hate waiting for: 1. School to end 2. Boys to mature 3. Weekends to come 4. Pies to bake 5. Wounds to heal 6. Hair to grow 7. Muscles to grow 8. Testimonies to grow 9. Just pretty much anything to grow...except babies 10. Movies to load 11. Blood donation deferrals to end 12. Promised phone calls 13. And other promised stuff 14. Snowboarding trips 15. The mail 16. Bed time 17. Movies to come out 18. Books to come out 19. Lost episodes to air 20. Ideas to come to my head 21. Boys to stop being boogers (Nathan) 22. Lists to be over... Okay so that's all I can think of at the moment. Well... video is finished. Thanks for listening... :D

My mind has been going about 300 miles per hour all day so I'm going to try and slow it down and pick out enough to make a meaningful blog post. I am so very selfish. There are billions of other people in the world all with their own trials, fears, weaknesses, and insecurities just like me, and yet I sit around and mope about my meaningless problems. I just need to forget about myself. I need to get outside myself and look around. I know that if I just look around I can find someone who needs a little lift. I can find someone who's burden is just a bit too heavy and carry a bit of their load. God put us on this earth with other people for a reason. If we were supposed to wander around this earth all on our own we wouldn't have been born into families; we wouldn't be compelled to form relationships and emotional closeness to others. We have others here with us on our journey so that we can help each other along the way. We need to turn our focus outward on othe...

I hate this. So last night I was so good and I went to bed at 11:00. That's pretty good right. So I got to bed and I was sleeping peacefully until 3:46 am. I woke up. I was so tired, yet I was awake. I settled back down into my pillow ready to go to sleep. I was so tired so it had to happen quick right? Wrong. 4 am, 5 am, 6 am, and finally after 6:30 am I fell asleep again only to wake up an hour later for class. What's wrong with me? I was so exhausted yet I just couldn't sleep. Ugh... I hate it.

I feel it now. All you have to do is be nice. I feel your love now. I don't need your undivided attention. I don't need to be your first priority. I don't need a kiss or a hug. Just remember me every once in a while and be nice to me.

After feeling lots of feelings and shedding lots of tears, I realized that I deserve to be loved. I deserve respect, connection, protection and loyalty. I deserve to be held. I hope that you know that you do too.

1. Get up fifteen minutes earlier in the morning. The inevitable morning mishaps will be less stressful. 2. Prepare for the morning the evening before. Set the breakfast table, make your lunch, put out the clothes you plan to wear, etc. 3. Don't rely on your memory. Write down appointment times, when to pick up the laundry, when the library books are due, etc. ("The palest ink is better than the most retentive memory" -Old Chinese Proverb) 4. Do nothing which, after being done, leads you to tell a lie. 5. Make duplicates of all keys. Bury a house key in a secret spot in the garden and carry a duplicate car key in your wallet, apart from your key ring. 6. Practice preventative maintenance. Your car, appliances, home, and relationships will be less likely to break down/fall apart "at the worst possible moment." 7. Be prepared to wait. A paperback can make a wait in a post office line almost pleasant. 8. Procrastination is stressful. Whatever you want to d...

Nintendo has come a long way... :)

"I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead; I lift my lids and all is born again. (I think I made you up inside my head.) The stars go waltzing out in blue and red, And arbitrary blackness gallops in: I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead. I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane. (I think I made you up inside my head.) God topples from the sky, hell's fires fade: Exit seraphim and Satan's men: I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead. I fancied you'd return the way you said, But I grow old and I forget your name. (I think I made you up inside my head.) I should have loved a thunderbird instead; At least when spring come they roar back again. I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead. (I think I made you up inside my head.)" -Sylvia Plath, "Mad Girl's Love Song"

1. Headaches. 2. Stupid, uncomfortable chairs. 3. People who sharpen their pencils slowly. 4. Stores that check your receipt as you exit, making you feel like a criminal. 5. Mean cats. 6. Clowns. 7. People who cut paper slowly. 8. Disease. 9. Big scary bugs with many legs. 10. Mushrooms. 11. Tomatoes. 12. Food service employees who assume that when you said, "No tomatoes," you were lying. 13. Mysterious sticky spots on desks. 14. Mysterious warm sections in pools. 15. The phrase, "We need to give it 110%." 16. Long sales receipts that include a code at the bottom for an online survey, that, when completed, will enter you for a chance to win a gift card. 17. Blisters on the back of the ankle caused by new shoes. 18. Parody versions of the Happy Birthday Song. 19. Gravel. 20. Leg Hair. 21. Tiny cups of coleslaw served at diners. 22. Remakes of bad horror movies. 23. Knee pit sweat. 24. Greeting cards with glitter. 25. Televised poker. 26. Splinters. 27. Bad actors. 28...

"Some people call me the space cowboy Some call me the gangster love And some people call me Maurice Cause I speak of the competence of love. Well, people talkin about me, baby They say I'm doing you wrong, I'm doing you wrong. Don't you worry, don't you worry, don't you worry pretty mama, Cause I'm right here, right here, right here, right here at home. I'm a picker, I'm a grinner, I'm a lover, and I'm a sinner I play my music in the sun I'm a joker, I'm a smoker, I'm a midnight toker. I get my lovin' on the run. You sheltered me from harm Kept me warm, kept me warm You gave my love to me Set me free, set me free The finest years I ever knew Were all the years I had with you People talking about me baby They say I'm doing, I'm doing, I'm doing you all wrong Don't you worry, don't you worry mama Right here, right here, right home Is there someone you know You're lovin them so But taken them all for gra...

The Greek epics such as The Iliad, The Odyssey, and The Aeneid were written not only for entertainment and history, but also so the modern day Greek could relate to the heroes of these tails. "'Did you suppose, [my friend], That I could tear myself away and leave you? Unthinkable; how could a [friend] say it?" -Virgil, The Aeneid, Book II, Lines 856-858 This is a quote by Aeneas as he begs his father to leave Troy with him. The way he speaks is so powerful. As I read this passage the strength in the words makes me think of how I feel about my friends. I care about my friends so very much and I will always do what I can to help them. I love you guys!!

"Duty-bound, Aeneas, though he struggled with desire To calm and comfort her in all her pain, To speak to her and turn her mind from grief, And though he sighed his heart out, shaken still With love of her, yet took the course heaven gave him And went back to the fleet." -Virgil , The Aeneid, Book IV, Lines 545-551 If this was how it happened then it wouldn't be so hard. If the love were still there it would be easier to say goodbye.

"No evil can happen to a good man, neither in life nor after death." -Socrates, The Apology of Socrates , Sec. 41 I really like this quote. When looked at literally one might think of Socrates as a fool. Of course bad things can happen to good people. This is not how I see it. While misfortunes befall everyone, if you are a good person it doesn't matter. While the bad things still happen, if you are virtuous you can trust that it is for your good. Therefore if something happens to do, regardless of whether it's fortunate or not, it is still good. Well I know this post was a little repetitive and kind of went around in circles, but I hope you enjoy.

I don't think people understand. I don't need your help. I really don't. I would prefer your help, but I don't need it. If you don't want to be there to help me or care for me then don't tell me to ask you for help when I need it. Just tell me that you can't help me anymore. I can manage. I'm not weak or dependent. Your help isn't nessicary, it just makes it easier. I don't need you, but I would love to spend time with you. Just because we are friends doesn't mean you have to help me. I don't need friends who are there for me. I just want friends who want to spend time with me. I want friends who keep their word. I just want friends who enjoy spending time with me and make an effort to do so. I don't need friends who help me. I have Christ for that.

I really really love to help others. I never really thought about it until I read through Steven Bristow's blog post about him This is what he said: "I reach deep inside myself and into my own experiences every time to help people when they ask for it. Anytime that anyone asks for a favor from me, or advice, I really try to put my heart into it. I know that maybe if I give enough of my soul to who I’m trying to help, they’ll stay with me no matter what." Now even though those aren't my words they still apply to my one hundred percent. I try to put so much feeling into my advice. I hope that by helping others in that way that they will see part of who I am and they will see that I am worth keeping around. I hope that by helping others I will gain lasting friendships. I hope that by helping others that I will be able to lighten their load a bit and make their lives easier. I hope that by being there for them when they're sad or lonely that they will do the s...

Each life that touches ours for good Reflects thine own great mercy, Lord. Thou sendest blessings from above Through words and deeds of those who love. What greater gift dost thou bestow, What greater goodness can we know Than Christ-like friends, whose gentle ways Strengthen our faith, enrich our days. When such a friend from us departs We hold forever in our hearts A sweet and hallowed memory, Bringing us nearer, Lord, to thee. For worthy friends whose lives proclaim Devotion to the Savior's name, Who bless our days with peace and love, We praise thy goodness Lord above.

I don't even know what to blog about, but I just feel like I need to blog. Life hasn't gone how I wanted it to go, but I'm slowly learning that it doesn't matter. God is at the helm and he is guiding my life now. Just because God is steering though doesn't mean it still doesn't get hard sometimes. Just because God is steering doesn't mean I'm happy all of the time. I know that God is there and that he loves me just as he loves you, but I still feel alone and unloved at times. I know it's not true, but I feel it. I feel like I have a lot more time now. Before when I had a few spare moments I would occupy my thoughts with Kendall and how much I love him, but now it hurts. Now in my hour breaks between classes I feel empty and bored. I have to control my mind every moment or it will wander to thoughts of Kendall and what he would do if he were here, or what we would talk about, or what I could say to make that beautiful smile light up his face...

"Maybe I didn't treat you Quite as good as I should have Maybe I didn't love you Quite as often as I could have Little things I should have said and done I just never took the time But you were always on my mind You were always on my mind Maybe I didn't hold you All those lonely, lonely times And I guess I never told you I'm so happy that you're mine If I made you feel second best Babe, I'm sorry I was blind You were always on my mind You were always on my mind"