Hypaethral

(Bleh. I'm horrible with poetry...) You're not the first knight to seek my heart. Nor the first to write lines of romance. He too, his name did not impart, But that's not the way to advance. Anonymity is not what I am seeking I need one that I can truly know. One, whom without speaking, Can say what his mind might show. I thank you kindly for your note, And ask you to grant me pardon. Your feelings shown I can't promote. Yet I beg your heart not to harden. Dear knight, you truly are my friend This friendship I wish to continue on. I hope that this it can transcend. And that it will not be withdrawn.

Okay I'm so sick of beating around the freaking bush. I just want a little romance in my life. I don't care about kisses and that sort of thing. I want cute letters. I want flowers. I want someone to leave a little note. I want an e-mail just to tell me someone is thinking about me. I want some one to serenade me. I want to feel special. Call me high maintenance or girly, I don't care. That's what I want. I care about the physical aspects of relationships, and I don't really care to just sit around watching movies all of the time. I want someone to do something special for me. I want to be surprised. There I said it. I'm girly and a hopeless romantic. Get over it.

Okay this post is mainly to vent a little confusion and frustration, but should the roommate that this is about read it I want her to know that I'm not mad at her and I'm just trying to understand. So one of my roommates has a really big problem with me leaving stuff on the vanity counter. I leave out my straightener, my hair brush, and my cosmetics bag. When she finally gets fed up enough she gathers it up and puts it in my room on the floor. I don't really understand why it's such a big deal. The only thing we use that counter for is to get ready in the morning. If I'm going to use the same things the next morning what is the point in putting the stuff away? I don't put them away for the same reason I don't sleep in my covers. What is the point? When I asked my roommate what the big deal she said that it just really bothered her just like the full trash can bothered me. I don't really see how the two relate. When the trash can is over flowing...

First a letter sent in by a confused young lady: BYU culture struggles to maintain the outdated and patriarchal views that disguise feminine repression through seemingly selfless acts of self-proclaimed “gentlemen.” While walking through campus, I do not see any damsels in distress. I see competent, intelligent, professional women that do not need a man to hold the door, pay for a date or even present a shiny ring in the traditional manner. I have hands, thank you. I do not feel flattered when you awkwardly hold the door open for helpless little me. I also have money. Women who allow men to pay for them on a date are prostituting their worth not only in the relationship, but also in a capitalistic society that strives to provide equal opportunities. Our income is worth just as much as any man’s labor could produce. Finally, I am equally capable of finding my own mate. My agency need not be stifled by the whim of a male who finally decides that I am worthy to be by his side. I, too, can...

I would like to thank the two commenters spoken of before in a previous post. Thank you for your comments. They have helped me more than you could know. Thank you for being my friends and for being patient while I find my way through this.

Okay I love love LOVE getting comments on my blog posts, but I would love to know who these people are. I'm going to draw attention to a few of these ambiguous commenters, and I ask them to tell me who they are (if I know them), or post a link to their blog or blogger profile. WHO ARE YOU!?! Gamspier G.S. Anonymous said... Whitney, I love you. The only power she can have over you is power you give her. You are so strong and wonderful, and you can get through this. Chin up. Remember to breathe and keep going. We know the real you, and we miss you. Just keep fighting this and come back to us as soon as you can.

I can't sleep. Why is that you may ask. Well, my mind is unhappy. It's unhappy with my life. I don't find my life satisfying. I don't find the relationships I'm in satisfying. I don't find my interactions with others satisfying. I don't even find myself satisfying. I think my biggest problem though is that I don't find my relationships satisfying. I don't even feel like it's my fault. I know that's arrogant to think that, but I feel like I try so hard and that no one else does. I want to change my relationships and make them how I want them to be and make them what I see as good and healthy, but I don't know how. It all winds down to my problem with communication I guess. That and trust. I don't communicate what I would like in a relationship and I don't trust those I'm in a relationship with. I don't trust them to respect me or my feelings. I don't know what happened to me. I used to be such a firecrac...