The Daily Universe
First a letter sent in by a confused young lady:
BYU culture struggles to maintain the outdated and patriarchal views that disguise feminine repression through seemingly selfless acts of self-proclaimed “gentlemen.” While walking through campus, I do not see any damsels in distress.
I see competent, intelligent, professional women that do not need a man to hold the door, pay for a date or even present a shiny ring in the traditional manner.
I have hands, thank you. I do not feel flattered when you awkwardly hold the door open for helpless little me. I also have money.
Women who allow men to pay for them on a date are prostituting their worth not only in the relationship, but also in a capitalistic society that strives to provide equal opportunities.
Our income is worth just as much as any man’s labor could produce. Finally, I am equally capable of finding my own mate. My agency need not be stifled by the whim of a male who finally decides that I am worthy to be by his side. I, too, can take a knee; I too can afford a ring. Do you want a princess cut or a solid band?
My fellow sisters in Zion, do not be fooled into thinking that men wear the pants in the relationship. You can, too. Not only are skirts a safety hazard, preventing you from running away from danger, but they are also a symbol of your submissiveness. So, zip up the pants and assume your position next to the man — not behind him.
Mariana Toledo
Sao Paulo, Brazil
Next a response from a BYU faculty member. I love what he says in this:
Regarding outdated, “oppressive” male chivalry: My wife certainly is not helpless. Yet she appreciates me holding the door, not because of what it does for her, but because of how it changes me. Small acts of kindness remind me of the kindness she deserves in a thousand ways. After 24 years of loyal companionship, how dare I not hold the door for her.
I hold the door for her, for my daughters, and for others, without regard to gender or age or condition. On this campus plenty of young women have held the door for me, too. We all create a simple yet beautiful connection through such acts of kindness. I know it’s out of fashion, but I need it. It serves as a useful reminder of what ought to be my fundamental orientation in life — serving others.
The Savior washed the feet of his disciples — symbolizing a door he would soon open for them! They were exalted by his grace, not diminished by it.
I don’t ask you to accept my gesture, but please don’t misconstrue my motives. For some of us, holding a door is a beautiful thing. Between me and my wife, it is a quiet expression of heartfelt sentiment — love and gratitude.
Mark Butler
Marriage & Family Therapy
BYU culture struggles to maintain the outdated and patriarchal views that disguise feminine repression through seemingly selfless acts of self-proclaimed “gentlemen.” While walking through campus, I do not see any damsels in distress.
I see competent, intelligent, professional women that do not need a man to hold the door, pay for a date or even present a shiny ring in the traditional manner.
I have hands, thank you. I do not feel flattered when you awkwardly hold the door open for helpless little me. I also have money.
Women who allow men to pay for them on a date are prostituting their worth not only in the relationship, but also in a capitalistic society that strives to provide equal opportunities.
Our income is worth just as much as any man’s labor could produce. Finally, I am equally capable of finding my own mate. My agency need not be stifled by the whim of a male who finally decides that I am worthy to be by his side. I, too, can take a knee; I too can afford a ring. Do you want a princess cut or a solid band?
My fellow sisters in Zion, do not be fooled into thinking that men wear the pants in the relationship. You can, too. Not only are skirts a safety hazard, preventing you from running away from danger, but they are also a symbol of your submissiveness. So, zip up the pants and assume your position next to the man — not behind him.
Mariana Toledo
Sao Paulo, Brazil
Next a response from a BYU faculty member. I love what he says in this:
Regarding outdated, “oppressive” male chivalry: My wife certainly is not helpless. Yet she appreciates me holding the door, not because of what it does for her, but because of how it changes me. Small acts of kindness remind me of the kindness she deserves in a thousand ways. After 24 years of loyal companionship, how dare I not hold the door for her.
I hold the door for her, for my daughters, and for others, without regard to gender or age or condition. On this campus plenty of young women have held the door for me, too. We all create a simple yet beautiful connection through such acts of kindness. I know it’s out of fashion, but I need it. It serves as a useful reminder of what ought to be my fundamental orientation in life — serving others.
The Savior washed the feet of his disciples — symbolizing a door he would soon open for them! They were exalted by his grace, not diminished by it.
I don’t ask you to accept my gesture, but please don’t misconstrue my motives. For some of us, holding a door is a beautiful thing. Between me and my wife, it is a quiet expression of heartfelt sentiment — love and gratitude.
Mark Butler
Marriage & Family Therapy
I loved the other response sent in by Elisabeth Svedin. The last paragraph reads: "I just have one favor, please don't reproduce - I don't want my daughters having to deal with your sons."
ReplyDeleteHmmm....good thing I had to turn down the date I got asked on this weekend. Wouldn't want to be "prostituting my worth" or anything.
ReplyDelete