Hello longest post of my life.

Well people, I’m getting married in 44 days. NBD. It’s just one of the most important days of my life. Whatevs. Totally not freaking out. Cool as a cucumber.

In other news, we’ve taken our engagement and bridal (or groomal, it’s a real thing) pictures. We had them done by Angela Marie Photography. This is one of the lovely sneak peeks she put up of our engagements. Michael and I are super cute, huh?

So there’s this girl in my Greek and Roman mythology class who has long blonde hair, kind of. Right down the middle of her head she has a line. The left side is completely blonde, and the right is super light brown. Crazy, huh? Not only that, but her eyebrows are the same way! Her left eyebrow is so blonde you can barely see it, and her right eyebrow is the same light brown. I don’t know how those things even happen. I read a story online once about a 100% African American couple giving birth to a very white and blonde baby. The baby wasn’t albino, and it was proven to belong to the father through all of those tests that tell that sort of thing. Man, I don’t know why that happens. Maybe it’s God having a sense of humor. *shrugs*

I’m a bad blogger. I used to be so great. I would see things in the world and I would think, “I want to blog about that.” Then I would go home and sit down and type. It didn’t matter if it was good. I just wanted to get words out to the world. Now I’ve somehow gotten in the mindset that I have to have something meaningful to say. Well gosh darnit, I don’t! It’s my blog and I can put any garbage on it that I want! But that’s the problem. I don’t have that drive anymore. I don’t know why, but I want it back. Maybe I’ll find it.

Do you guys remember when I did weekly reviews of secret Jamba flavors? Those were good times. I’m a bit too poor to start that up again though. :P I do love Jamba though.

You know what is great? Having a best friend. One that you know you’ll have forever. I had best friends growing up. I was best friends with three boys in my area named Grant, Rhett, and Drew when I was young. I had a huge crush on Drew. But eventually we realized that cooties were in fact real and we stopped playing together. After that I was best friends with Miquelle. Man we had great times. We played Neopets, Pokemon, Petz, and Sega. But, in third grade our elementary school split and she went to the new school. I actually saw her recently though at her wedding reception. Man, I love that girl. After Miquelle I was friends with Jenna in fourth grade. We told each other that we were second best friends though because we both had best friends (Miquelle and Anna), but they just didn’t go to our school. That didn’t last too long. I don’t know why but I started hanging out with Tiffany, Stacia, and TJae in sixth grade. It was my first time hanging out with “the cool kids”. And they weren’t very cool. I don’t know how they are now, but from them I learned to be rude and judgmental. I learned to be an elitist and somewhat of a flirt when it came to boys. Luckily, I didn’t stay friends with them. When I went to junior high I met Wendy in band class. We both played clarinet. We had great times making up songs in her backyard and eating tons of ice cream right off the tabletop. But for some reason in eighth grade that faded away. She got in a higher band class than me and I was kind of left behind.

(Now, this isn’t a sob story about how all of my friends left me. I realize that it’s the way of things for people to grow apart and move on. I’m merely spewing out the words in my head. I don’t want your pity. That’s not my purpose in writing.)

For that next year I kind of bounced around in a group of people. I hung out with Kailey a lot because I liked the boy that liked her, Jeff. At some point I got in with different group. I started hanging out with Jordan, Courtney, and Karissa. Somehow we pulled Jeff into our group when he had given up on Kailey. It’s this group that I considered my best friends for a long time, and I still kind of do. It wasn’t until I broke up with Jeff in my freshman year of college that we stopped hanging out a lot. I mean going away to college made it hard to get together, but it was really after I broke up with Jeff that we stopped getting together. It was sad, but I did have a new friend. I had started dating Kendall at that point. You guys know how it is, you date someone and they become your best friend and you rarely hang out with anyone else. So Kendall was my new best friend. We had good times, but a lot of our time was spent trying to be happy even though we weren’t entirely. It’s a sad thing to be in a relationship for over a year and to feel like something is off the entire time, but never realizing it. I’m not going to say nothing good came from my relationship with Kendall because I did learn a lot about myself and I did grow a lot closer to Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, but a lot of my fears about relationships now come from that time in my life. Anyway, you know the story of him leaving on his mission and all that stuff. He wrote me off in December, then unwrote me off, then wrote me off in January, but kept writing. So I told him to stick with his guns and stop writing me. So he did. And I moved on with my life.

While Kendall was gone and before I started school again I got close to Heather who is so very great, and who is getting her missionary home today. Anyway, we became good friends, but I'm terrible with friends who are girls, so probably because of my neglect we didn't hang out much. (I still love you tons though.)

Anyway, back when Kendall was still writing me I met Michael in October. We hung out and had a good time. I felt good because it seemed like he wanted nothing more than friends and that he was interested in a girl named Megan. So we did a lot of things together and then we started hanging more one on one and I started to fall for him. So at this point I knew that I really liked him, but for some reason I was still somewhat set on Kendall. (It may have just been my stubbornness and wanting to say that I was one of those who made it the two years). Anyway, I found out that Michael liked me from a text that he sent to my friend/cousin/roommate Emily. I still remember the exact wording. “So, I’m kind of head over heels for your cousin.” So one day he confessed it to me, but I was scared so I told him that I didn’t want to date him.

Then in November I invited him to second Thanksgiving with my family. (You know, all of the leftovers that practically make a feast on it’s own). We ate delicious food and played games. It was a lot of fun, and that’s when I decided that I would give it a shot. He wasn’t asking me to write Kendall off like his roommate did (a different story for a different time, or maybe not at all), and he wasn’t asking for a huge commitment. So the Monday that we got back to school I decided to tell him that I wanted to date him. Now, we had been sort of cuddling since he told me that he liked me, and that day he was acting really weird. I texted him and told him that he was being weird and that we needed to talk that night. So after FHE we went over to my apartment and we talked. It was kind of like one of those scenes in a movie or tv show where they both have something to say and one person says, “You go first.” Then the other person tells them that they feel weird about things and maybe we shouldn’t date or be cuddly. The other person is deflated because they were about to express their feelings of affection. Yeah, that’s what happened. I almost wanted to say “I should’ve gone first.” But whatever. So I didn’t say what I wanted to say. I let things go on as just friends for reals this time.

I don’t know at what point I let him know, but eventually it was very clear to him and everyone that I wanted to date him, but he didn’t want to date me. So we were just friends, and we became the best of friends. I remember telling him that I was a bit sad, because I don’t keep friends well, and I was worried that I would lose another best friend. Well, come December we were still good friends. Kendall wrote me off on the last day of finals. That was a crap for crap day. I think I got like a D on that final. Anyway, Michael came over for Christmas Eve (I love that my family was okay with me bringing a boy over who was just a friend for such a huge holiday.) We had a great time and he got to be a part of our Christmas Eve traditions. The next day after all of our visits to grandparents I went over to his apartment because I knew he was there all by himself and that’s just sad on Christmas. We played some video games and probably watched some TV and talked. That’s the day Michael decided he wanted to date me. I was ecstatic! We had a good Christmas break, spending time with my family, making delicious breakfasts together.

Then New Years Eve came. We were talking that night and we talked about how he would be weird when everyone came back to our apartment complex after Christmas. He said that he probably would and apologized. I shrugged and told him that it was okay.

Well, he was weird. He stopped being a boyfriend and went back to friend. That, and I kind of felt like he was avoiding me. So I called him out on it, again. I told him that I was sad. He asked me if it was because of our relationship, and I asked, “What relationship?” (It’s odd how I can remember some conversations nearly word for word, but I forget people’s names just seconds after introduction.) He confessed that he wasn’t really feeling it anymore and he was just hoping it would die down. So just like that we were just friends again.

We hung out nearly everyday and, after getting through some weirdness with another girl, we were best friends again. He knew I wanted to date him, and maybe he even knew that I loved him at that point. In any case he knew that I cared for him quite a bit. Yet, for some reason he wouldn’t date me. My friends told me to give up on him. I told them that I cared about him enough to give him time if he needed it. I had so much hope that he would come around. Well, my hope paid off. April 23, after going to dinner with his family to celebrate his graduation from BYU we went to my parent’s house to hang out. We got to talking and he told me that he wanted to date me again. Even though it was what I wanted I was wary. I didn’t want to be hurt again. Well, we started dating again and things were very different than the first time. They were so much better and much more real. We had fun times and he came on family trips to Lake Powell and Beaver Mountain.

Before we left for Lake Powell I dropped the L word. Not lesbian, not even lesbians (it’s a movie reference mom. Don’t get weird. Go watch Scott Pilgrim.), I told him that I loved him. He didn’t reciprocate, at least not immediately, and I was okay with that. I would rather he tell me when he feels it, not when I feel it. July tenth, the Sunday after Lake Powell, he told me that he loved me too. Things were great. The relationship only got better. I started seriously considering marriage. I prayed. I fasted. I went to the temple. I felt great about it. I had no clue how he felt about it.

In August, he started school at Duke, and he invited me to join him and his friend Cory for a drive across country to move him out there. So, my hope ever strong, even when it seems the end of thing are near, I went. On our way to pick up his friend from SLC to head across country, I knew that this would be our last time alone. I told him that I wanted to marry him. He said that he didn’t know how he felt about it, and I told him that it was fine. He had a long drive to think about it.

We went on our Voyage. We got stranded in Wyoming. Replaced an entire coolant system. Made it to Indiana where we stayed with his brother and his wife for a night. Continued on to Pennsylvania where his parents live and we stayed there for a few days. That’s where the gears started turning. We had a good time with his family and one night we stayed up talking, and marriage came up. We talked about the logistics of things, like when it would happen and if I was willing to move out east. We found a way to make everything work, but he wouldn’t give me a definite answer. He told me that when he prayed he got that feeling that if it was something he wanted that it was a good thing and that he should do it. The next day he drove Cory and I around to show us the schools he went to. We got out to play on the playground at his elementary school, and when Cory was off running through the trees and what not we got a chance to talk. AND…He said that he wanted to marry me! I was filled with bliss. The birds were singing, there were faeries dancing in the woods around us, and unicorn babies were taking their first steps in a clearing nearby. It was a beautiful moment.

And because this story is getting way too long, and going way too far off the intended point of the story, I’ll save the rest of the trip to Duke and the proposal story for later.

SO, as I was saying, it feels so great to have a best friend FOREVER! We say that in grade school, but it’s not really real. At least it wasn’t for me, but now it’s real. Michael and I are BFFs, and it’s great. I don’t have to wish that I had this or that friend to do this or that with again. I can just do those things with Michael! That great time I had with Wendy, or Miquelle, or Kendall I can have with Michael instead. I don’t have to miss that because I can have it. I know this probably isn’t making sense to you guys. Just know that I’m so excited and grateful to have a best friend that I will be able to have all of my adventures with for the rest of eternity.  It’s great.

So, Michael, I love you. World, you’re great. December 17^th, hurry up. And hugs and kisses for you all. (Buuuuut mostly just for Michael.)