Whatcha know 'bout me? Whatcha, whatcha know 'bout me?

Yes Jo-jo, I was thinking about you when I used the lyrics from that song you love in my title. Also, I think you are great. Anyway, this has been something that has been gnawing at my brain for quite a while now. It's going to sound really cliche, but whatever. Here it is: No one really knows me.

No it's true! I don't think there is a single one of my friends who really knows me. They think they know me, but they only know one facet. Maybe they're like me. when I meet someone and "get to know them" I flatten them. (For those of you who don't fancy yourselves as writers: a flat character is a minor character that doesn't grow or change throughout the story). So after I decide that I've learned enough I flatten them down and that's who they are to me. I don't allow any additional information to change that and I don't even try and seek out additional information. Anyway, maybe that's why my friends don't know me, because they're like me.

I want them to know me, but I have this problem that I don't really offer up information unless asked about it. And, if my assumptions are correct and my friends are like me, they don't care about more information so they don't ask. So I never tell. And then I'm never known.

I have a few friends that know a lot of me, but I find myself sometime thinking, "I wish they were here, but wait, I would never even be doing this if they were here." And do you want to know why? Because they don't know that part of me and I'm scared that if I showed them that they wouldn't like it and they would reject me.

I think that's why I do the same things with some of my friends and we never do anything new. It's because I've tried to show them another side of me and they've rejected it. So know I don't show them anymore because I know that they're comfortable with only that one facet.

Now there are some friends, like Heather, who take me for who I am. Because they accept me for me we rarely do the same things twice. We're open to each other's ideas and to trying new things. And it's because we like each other. Yeah activities are great, but people are more fun. That's why it's so great when you find someone who not only likes what you like, but they also like to do what you do. Then you never have to worry that you'll suggest something and they'll reject a part of you or consider a part of you boring. You can do something and know that you both enjoy the activity, and also know that it's not just the activity that's enjoyable, but the company.

This post has kind of taken on a mind of it's own and run off on a tangent. Time to reign it in. One, I need to change my mindset of people and stop hindering the progression of my impression of them. Two, I need to let other people know me - stop being so afraid. Three, I am so very glad that I know without a doubt who I am and what I enjoy in life, and that I don't let anyone change that, because if I didn't know, then no one would know, and if no one knows who you are, do you exist?

Just some thoughts. I've found myself in a more pensive mood these past few days since my friends and family have been out of town or unavailable. So you may get even more thoughts soon. Happy Sabbath world.