It's been a day

Today has just been one of those days for me. The kind where I just need someone. I don't know why, but it's been rough. I almost completely broke down twice. I don't know why, but I hurt today. That kind of deep inside hurt that aches and constantly draws away some of your soul. I feel like I handled it pretty well though. I was fairly productive, except for the large portion of the day I spent lying in bed pretending I was sleeping. Other than that I did a lot. It's hard to feel that way sometimes though. People around you don't know what you're feeling. You know, "in the quiet heart is hidden sorrow that the eye can't see?" Anyway, they don't know. All they know is that you've been more productive before so surely you can do so now. When I get crap for not doing as much as I've done before it's hard to feel accomplished and it just gets me down more. It's made me rather melancholy.

I'm not sure if y'all know, but I am officially written off by Elder Humes. It took him a few tries, but he stuck with it. Well, today was the first day in probably about a month that as I put the key into the lock on the mailbox my heart ached for a letter from Kendall to be in there. Alas, there wasn't. I wanted it so badly. Even if it would make later days harder, he somehow always knows what I need and it would have made today better.

I'm sorry to get on here and just mope. That's kind of what this blog has become lately. But really, this is my journal, open for you all to read if you so desire. If I kept a journal, this is what would be in it, and what I write I write for me.

So, thanks in advance to those friends who will contact me after reading this and offer their support. I appreciate it even if I never take you up on your offers. If you know me well enough, you know that the chances of me ever accepting them are slim to none. Maybe I have an issue of pride. Oh well, it is what it is. Time to try and say goodbye to this day. Good night.