The Orem Fitness Center - Your Aquatic Retirement Home

Okay okay so the OFC isn't really a retirement home, it's just so overrun with the elderly that sometimes I feel like a caretaker in a retirement home.  Anyway this is my second rant of the day and it's only one o'clock.  That would be a very good indicator of my feelings for this fabulous Monday.  So this morning I woke up at the early hour of four o'clock to get ready for work.  After eating a skimpy breakfast I left for the dreaded recreation center.  I arrived at the soul sucker around 4:45, fifteen minutes early for my shift as any good lifeguard should be.  I strode up to the doors determined to have a good shift regardless of the hour and pulled on the handle.  They were locked...great.  I looked through the window and saw members of the desk staff chatting away and laughing.  Their happiness irked me in a way.  I hovered by the windows hoping they'd see me.  In the end I had to wait fifteen minutes until they opened the doors for the numerous elderly patrons that had all gathered around me.  Finally in the rec center I shook off the feeling of dread the building was saturated with.  I wasn't going to let the rec suck away my soul this summer, I was going to be positive.  I walked into the guard room expecting to see the other five o'clock guard waiting for me.  I clocked in and found no one else.  I'll give him a little time, I thought.  Now it's the duty of the five a.m. guards to vacuum out the deep end of the pool so like a good little guard I went to set up the vacuum.  I attatched the hose to the side of the pool then the other end to the vacuum and sunk the vacuum to the bottom.  I checked the clock.  My guard still wasn't here.  I didn't want to call him this early, but I have no choice, I reasoned as I strode back towards the guard room.  I looked around the newly arranged guard room and found a phone list and looked down the list for my tardy guard.  He wasn't listed. I went to the front desk asking if they had an updated list and theirs was later than mine.  Fine! I'll just wait for my six o'clock guard to get in.  That means I'll have to vacuum out the pool and I won't get the other morning maintenance finished, I sighed as I scurried back out onto the deck.  By now it was around 5:20 and I still hadn't vacuumed.  I ventured into the pump room to turn the valves and push the button that made the vacuum work.  I made my way to the side where the list of instructions hung. It was gone.  I had been gone all winter I no longer remembered the procedure of working the pump room and now my list was gone.  I tried a few things, but regardless of my diligence not a one delivered the desired result.  I was about to abandon hope and just use the long skimmer to get what a could when swim team began to arrive.  I spotted a lifeguard among the team, Maybe she remembers!  I ran over to her and rejoiced when she told me the secret to the pump room.  Finally with my vacuuming underway things were moving along.  However as I was busy focussing on the pump room and my missing guard my defenses slipped and I could feel that some of my soul had been sucked away by the hellish facility.  I was frustrated and tired.  As I was vacuuming I looked over to the shallow end and found an elderly woman sitting on the steps.  I looked at the clock and it read 5:34.  I sighed as I walked over to her.  "Excuse me ma'am, but we're not open to the public until six."  She responded with a haugty, arrogant, "Well they let me sit here."  I wanted to yell at her, "Who the heck is they!?!  Get out of my flipping pool! "  Instead I turned with a disgruntled, "Whatever."  I resumed my vacuuming occasionally finding myself glaring at the old woman. After finishing, I quickly put away the hose and the vacuum and hurried to grab my tube and get to my position.  I began to scan my area watching the swim team as the rythmically swam across the pool.  It was actually rather soothing to hear the water moving to an unheard beat.  I stole a glance at my old woman "friend" to be sure she hadn't had a heart attack or broken her hip or something and found another woman getting in to sit with her.  I wanted to go over there and yell, "You see what happens if I let you be an exception to the rules?! Then everyone wants to be an exception!"  Instead I just grumbled a bit and resumed my scanning.  Six o'clock was close at hand and old men were crowding around the hot tub waiting for me to give them the okay and to turn on the jets.  The hour of six came.  My guard wasn't here.  I told those waiting to get in the pool that they could go ahead.  Those waiting for the hot tub and the steamroom came to me with irritated, "Why isn't the hot tub on yet?" or "The steamroom isn't working and the light is out."  I replied calmly that I was the only one on duty and that I couldn't leave my station.  They didn't care.  They were frustrated right along with me.  Luckily one of the aerobics instructors who was a former lifeguard passed and she agreed to turn on the hot tub and steamroom.  She also let me know that my boss Rachel was here and that she was calling my late six o'clock guard and putting the truant five o'clock guard on probation.  I sighed with relief as the mob of angry old people waddled off to where ever they wanted to haunt next.  It was now 6:10.  I was supposed to check chemicals ten minutes ago and record them.  Finally at 6:14 my guard showed up.  He gave the lame excuse of, "Oh I overslept. It's just so early. Sorry." I wanted to slap him.  Instead I hung up my tube and checked chemicals and took count of the patrons.  There's more that transpired during that shift of death, but I'm ready to bring this rant to a close.  The moral of the story is don't got to the rec center because it will eat your sould for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Also if your an old person that doesn't mean you are above the rules or that you are about respecting the lifeguards or the other patrons.  Grr...