Attention Idiots, just a reminder...

So at the City of Orem Scera Park Pools we have an annoucement that we give periodically that reads as follows:

Attention patrons. Just a reminder that children under the age of nine must be accompanied by someone fourteen years of age or older both in and out of the water at all times. Thank you and have a nice day.

Of course, since people are... well people, the effects of the announcement wear off in about five minutes and little children are running amok and nearly drowning all over the place.  I think it would be wonderful if we had a few more announcements that people could ignore.  Here are a few that I've thought up.  Let me know what you think and if you have more ideas please comment.

Attention patrons. Just a reminder that we do not tolerate running on the pool deck.  If you are ever forget our policy on the matter please take time to look down at your feet while you run as you are most likely running over one of our 218 "no running" signs. Thank you and have a nice day.

Attention patrons.  Just a reminder that the only safe and lifeguard approved way to jump from the side of the pool into the water is facing forward, feet first. Thank you and have a nice day.

Attention patrons.  Just a reminder that in most areas of the pool, diving from the edge is prohibited.  Before you dive look down at where your feet are placed.  Between them you will read the sign that states the the water you are about to plunge head first into is in fact only three feet deep and all types of dives are prohibitted. Thank you and have a nice day.

Attention patrons.  Just a reminder that our lifeguards are here to ensure you are safe as you enjoy they water.  They are not a skimply dressed custodial staff.  We ask that you please place your trash in the nearest garbage receptacle. Thank you and have a nice day.